We’re all helpless. Sometimes it’s more obvious. I am Obvious, capital “O.” How I usually fool myself about helplessness is by doing hard things. Doing hard things makes me feel strong. I can overcome the next hard thing and the next...but with my tumor, there is no amount of running, no HIIT routine, no weightlifting …
Tag: day by day
Stuff’s Broken Philosophy
I am living out the age-old stumbling block: how can a good God allow bad things to happen? The question becomes so much more interesting when you add two little words: ...to me? God, how can You let a brain tumor happen to me? Because when it happens to someone else, we can justify it …
What’s in my Mind, Besides a Tumor
The first time I recall being comforted by God, it was an intellectual decision. I was twenty and living in a section of SanDiego where you couldn't get a pizza delivered. Too dangerous. So when I heard the following logic my heart was soft to it: Imagine you are in an alleyway in a bad …
Writing: The Reach that Doesn’t Sleep or Die
I am blessed to have people who believe in me, even (and especially) when I don't believe in myself. Like the ones who scrawled my work-in-progress in the sand while they were vacationing. We thought of you, it said. We love you, it said. I now understand why writers make such a big deal about …
Continue reading Writing: The Reach that Doesn’t Sleep or Die
2017 in the Rear View Mirror
2017. Crushed it. Really and truly. Those of you who know me know I beat myself up at regular intervals. I raise self-flagellation to an art form. My friends tell me I'm too hard on myself. If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do me no harm. I like to think I have an …
Winging it with INK
I credit several people with my tattoo. First Katae, who made the whole thing happen and gave me a forever birthday gift. Next my husband, who puts up with this manifestation of a midlife crisis. My daughter Tory, whose trip to the parlor (do they call it that anymore?) got us talking about matching tattoos. …
The Things I Carry
"What's it like, being dead?" "...I don't know, I guess it's like being inside a book that nobody's reading." - From Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. This quote bowled me over. Not just because it's a fresh look at death, but because it captures my feelings. While I'm writing I Trespass, I'm "inside a …
Fearful, Tearful, Weirdful, and Rise
Fear. I wish I could cut it from my soul with a scissors. I wish I could lay on a comfy couch, talk its existence into oblivion, then charge myself $100/hour. I'd collect my fees and go on a vacation to the beach. I have an active imagination, so I fear things most people haven't …
